Monthly Archives: March 2012

Plugging in when your middle-schooler wants to cut the cord

Posted on March 28, 2012 | 8 Comments

I’m always looking for opportunities to stay involved in my son’s educational experience, which has gotten a little trickier since he moved up to middle school. In elementary school, there were more ways for me to feel plugged in to his experience, as well as to engage with teachers and staff. Now there are no more apple picking trips, family dance nights or in-class birthday/ Halloween/ Valentine’s Day/Thanksgiving celebrations (that I’m allowed to attend, anyway). The elementary school felt like an extension of home – my son would run up to me and give me a hug if he saw me in the hallway while dropping off books for the book fair or volunteering in the cafeteria on pizza Fridays. Although I have a wonderful relationship with his teacher and staff at the middle school, sometimes I feel like an interloper; kids I’ve known since they were in kindergarten look at me like an alien life form if they see me anywhere in the vicinity of the middle school. I feel as though they think that the anti-bacterial dispensers stationed in the hallways should contain parent repellent instead of Purell. And (sniffle) I’ve seen my son do a double-take if I show up unexpectedly in the hallway, like “uh, what’s she doing here?”

I found some great suggestions for staying actively involved in your child’s school while he or she is trying mightily to pretend that you don’t exist in 10 Tips for Middle School Parents via SchoolFamily.com. I especially liked the ones about doing behind-the-scenes work and posting a family calendar in a central location where you, along with your child, can add to it.

Middle school can be a confusing time for everyone, so I’m all in favor of anything that keeps me in the loop in the most unobtrusive way possible. I know it’s healthy and inevitable for our middle-schoolers to start asserting some independence but, whether they realize it or not, they need us now more than ever, right? Someone validate me, please (I don’t think my middle-schooler is going to)!

plug in!

How do you check in with your middle-schooler and stay involved in the school scene? All suggestions are welcome!

Photo courtesy of Mom Meets Blog

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Tagged calendar, education, homework, kids, middle school, middle school parents, middle schooler, parents, PTA, PTO, schoolfamily.com, teachers, volunteer

A Midlife Moment

Posted on March 25, 2012 | 5 Comments

This afternoon I met with my friend C. at our favorite neighborhood spot. A quaint bistro-style coffee-house that serves delicious sandwiches and salads, pastries and artisanal coffees (C. swoons over the perfectly blended iced coffee), we love to sit here and chit-chat over lunch. Occasionally I finish up my meal with a handmade salted caramel chocolate truffle – heaven!

While greedily devouring our eggplant, red pepper, zucchini and mozzarella sandwiches (on freshly baked Italian bread), C. mentioned how much she was enjoying the NBC musical drama “Smash”.

The conversation went something like this:

C.: “. . . and Debra Messing is amazing on this show, I love her.”

Me: “So do I, she is so funny. Is she wearing her hair curly or straight?” (I’ve recently stopped blow drying my naturally curly hair straight, thus alleviating my arm pain and most likely averting carpal tunnel syndrome. Knowing that Deb was a curly girl, I was curious).

C.: ”Not pin straight, but wavy. She was so great in that other series, too, you know, the one where. . . oh, you remember. . . “

Me: “Yes of course, with that guy. . . what was it called again??? “

C.: “Yes, the one with Jack. . . “

Me: ”Yes, and the other one – ugh, what is the name of that show???”

C.: “I just can’t think of it. . . . “

Me: “Neither can I – why can’t we think of that name???”

We stared at each other blankly. Neither one of us could come up with the name of that damn show, not for the next 45 minutes of our lunch date. Not even on the way home. I told her we were having a Midlife Moment – where you can recall some details of what you’re trying to remember, but you can’t quite remember exactly what it is you’re trying to remember. I felt like I was being punk’d by my own brain – the answer was just kind of dancing around the edges of my memory banks, then got yanked away just as it was about to descend onto the tip of my tongue. If you fall anywhere on the 40-spectrum, you might know what I’m talking about.

The funny thing about these Moments is that eventually you do remember what it was you were trying to remember. I finally remembered the name of the show. Nine hours later.

“WILL & GRACE for cryin’ out loud,” I text-yelled to C. “OMG!! Of course!” she texted back.

Sigh. I wonder if they can put some ginkgo biloba in those salted caramel chocolate truffles. Doesn’t chocolate have some memory enhancing properties? I think I read that somewhere, I just can’t remember where. . .

yummly.com

Are you “forgetting to remember” more often than usual? What are some of your Midlife Moments? Let me know (don’t worry, I’ll probably forget all about it!)

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Tagged "Smash", "Will & Grace", bistro, chocolate, coffee, curly hair, Debra Messing, entertainment, food, forget, ginko biloba, lunch, memory loss, midlife, NBC, punk'd, remember, truffles

Beyond “Stranger Danger”

Posted on March 11, 2012 | 2 Comments

It’s a sensitive subject and one any parent prays they will never have to confront – what if someone tries to hurt my child? How do I protect and yet inform him or her about the reality that there is evil in this world? And worse yet, what if that sexual predator turns out to be a beloved teacher, coach or neighbor? It seems you can’t turn on a news program without hearing about some grossly inappropriate behavior being perpetrated by a trusted member of the community. My husband and I just recently completed a 30-hour course to become foster parents where this topic was discussed at length, as many of these children have been violated by those who were supposed to protect them the most.

Even though I have discussed this topic with my 11-year-old son, the following article from blogger Cori Linder at ModernMom.com gives practical tips and advice on discussing this subject with your kids that I will be mindful of the next time I “check in” with my son (and, hopefully soon, with our child in care).

Protecting Kids From Sexual Abuse | ModernMom.com.

Have you had this conversation with your kids yet? How did you handle it? How did they?

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Tagged coach, community, discussion, educating, empowering, evil, foster parents, kids, ModernMom.com, neighbor, predators, protecting kids, sexual abuse, social worker, teacher

The Party Boy

Posted on March 6, 2012 | Leave a comment

My son loves a good birthday party, and from a kid’s perspective, what’s not to love? He’s had all types of parties – bowling parties, Star Wars parties, karate parties, even a birthday party at Stew Leonard’s (a popular local food market – yes, they do parties!). For him, parties are all about fun, friends, games, and presents. Especially presents. As much as he loves being the life of the party, I believe it’s the mountain of presents he receives that drives him to ask for a birthday bash every year, complete with balloons, custom cake, decorations, goody bags, the works. And with anywhere from 15 to 25 guests (not including family), the gift haul was a considerable motivation to keep the party train going. I have happily hosted these parties for him (his delight at dancing the Limbo with Wow the Cow is priceless), but after 10 years of party planning I felt it was time to pull that train into the station. So, I informed him that last year’s 10^th birthday party was to be the final one.

Then in January, he began lobbying for a party for his 11^th birthday in March (“really Mom, the last one!”). He’s nothing if not persistent. The fact that we’re not Jewish hasn’t stopped him from asking us to celebrate Hanukkah (more presents), and a bar mitzvah request down the road wouldn’t surprise me in the least. And, pushover that I am, I agreed (to the 11^th birthday party, not the bar mitzvah). After all, it’s really going to be the last one. But no big deal this time – a handful of friends and family at the local arcade for Lazer tag and pizza. A small ice cream cake. No balloons. No decorations. Call it party rehab. A “non-party” party.

Presents? Significantly scaled back.

“Awwww!” was the reply. But he agreed.

And he had a great time. He was a little disappointed about not having a lot of presents to open, but when he discovered that those few birthday cards contained cash and gift cards. . . maybe the “non-party” party isn’t such a bad deal after all. But handwritten thank-you notes are still required.

“Awwww!”