Walking Tall

mom & son
Something upset my son recently, and it took me rather by surprise. None of the usual suspects were to blame, like me snooping through his iPhone, or subjecting him to my passive-aggressive parenting techniques (yet again!) or me nagging him to put his dirty clothes in the hamper for the bazillionth time.
What propelled him into a moody funk was something quite small, measuring merely one-quarter of an inch.
When the nurse measured his height at his yearly physical the other day, it was confirmed that he is a full 1/4 inch taller than me.
Yep, my baby, my one and only, the love of my life, was officially taller than his mom.
I can attest to the fact that all the clichés are true – kids grow up so fast, don’t blink or you’ll miss it, the days are long but the years are short. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I reveled in his squeals of hysterical delight as I pretended to be the Cookie Monster, munching on all his delicious little cookie toes? Today you couldn’t pay me enough to go near those very non-cookie smelling feet, but I digress.
Actually I’m kind of excited that soon he’ll probably be quite a bit taller than me – any day now I can retire the step stool I use in the kitchen to reach stuff in the high cabinets; I’m always tripping over that damn thing.
But while I was figuring out all the ways I could use his height to my advantage, it turns out that his view on this recent development was less than positive.
When I called him for dinner later that day, I found him in his room going through a pile of Matchbox cars that hadn’t seen the light of day in years – not really playing with them, but just turning them over in his hands – considering them.
“Honey, what are you doing?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just visiting my childhood” he answered.
Ugh. Smelling the angst in the air, I asked him what was up.
“I don’t want to be taller than you” he said quietly.
“That’s what’s bothering you? Not wanting to be taller than me?” I responded.
Shrugging his shoulders, he said “I guess I’m just not ready to grow up.”
Ah, there it was. He wasn’t considering the cars. He was considering what they represented. The journey to grown-up is a bumpy one, and you never know what might trip them up along the way. Just as my heart swells with pride and love and joy for my teenage man-child,  right then it ached with the growing pains he was experiencing, perhaps more child than man at that moment.
“It’s okay to feel this way; there’s a lot going on with school and friends and other stuff, and sometimes it’s nice to think back to when times were simpler. We just have to talk about it when you’re feeling this way, okay? “
“Yeah”.
Having witnessed enough push-up and arm-wrestling contests to realize that we’ve arrived at the competing-with-dad portion of the program, I attempted to lighten the mood by asking, “Well, how are you going to feel when you’re taller than dad?”
Brightening at the bait he said, “Oh no, that’s different –  I can’t wait to be taller than dad!” Who, by the way, is considerably taller than me – I guess logic doesn’t play well with puberty!
Being one half of a mother/son bond equation himself, I sought my husband’s perspective when I told him about our exchange later that evening. He wasn’t surprised at all by our son’s reaction. Raising his hand up over his head, he explained, “Because in his eyes, you’ll always be up here.  🙂

6 Tips For Book Report Success & Beyond

When my son first entered middle school, one of the requirements in his language arts class was writing a monthly book report. While he enjoyed reading, inwardly I cringed at the thought of him struggling with this assignment – learning how to craft a book report can be a daunting task for any student, and if your child has an attention deficit as mine does, it can prove even more challenging. Reading through the book, keeping the sequence of events in order, identifying the main ideas and conflicts, even formulating opinions about the story can be a frustrating endeavor for a kid with executive function difficulties. Through the hazy fog of middle age, I reflected back to my school days and thought about the strategies that worked for me. So after some tears, trial and error, I put together this game plan for book report writing success. These tips can be helpful even if your child doesn’t have an attention deficit.

Select a properly leveled book to read

Pick a book that is not only engaging but also at the proper reading level for your child. A good rule of thumb that my son’s teacher follows is the “five-finger rule” – if there are more than five words on the page that your reader is unfamiliar with, perhaps the material is too difficult and another book should be chosen. Ask the teacher for guidance if you are unsure.

Read the book twice

If time allows, have your child read the book through twice. I know, your child may balk at this idea (mine certainly did), but if the material is interesting and fun to read, this might not be a problem.

Take notes 

While it’s fresh in his mind, encourage your child to take notes on the material he’s just read.  Have him jot down plot points, characters or events that captured his interest and discuss them with you.

Keep a dictionary handy

If your child does happen to come across a word he is unfamiliar with during reading, encourage him to look it up.  It could help reinforce a connection to the material that’s just been read, with the additional benefit of learning a new vocabulary word.

Read the book along with your child

I know this is adding yet another morsel to an already full plate, but if you can, try to familiarize yourself with the book as much as possible. Being able to discuss the book with your child can help him make connections and give you a sense of how much content your child is absorbing.

Rough drafting and editing

When it’s time to start writing, have your child do a rough draft first. This helps organize their thoughts and review for those pesky grammar gremlins, like punctuation and sentence fragments, who love to steal precious points from reports. Reviewing and revising a rough draft also provides an opportunity to ensure that the questions being answered are the ones the teacher has asked.

I’ll admit that my son was less than thrilled using these techniques at first. To him, it just seemed like a lot of extra work – and it was. But when the grade on his second book report increased by a full twenty points, he was so proud of himself, and that inspired him to continue using the techniques until they became second nature. The rough draft technique has also proven especially helpful in completing homework and answering essay questions in other subjects. As he ends his middle school years on the honor roll and enters high school in September, he’s come to terms with the fact that although he may have to work harder and it may take him longer, he’s certainly capable of being successful in school, and that the extra effort is well worth it.

What tips or strategies have you employed to help your child with book reports or homework?  What has worked for you?  Let me know in the comments!

So An Owl Walks Into A Bar. . .

As I was busy making dinner recently, my son sat at the kitchen counter with his laptop surfing the internet for ‘funny videos’ – feats of daring, epic fails, anything to while away the time before dinner was ready. He came across a video with an intriguing headline and read it aloud to me –
 A Popular London Bar Has a New Waitress, and It’s An Owl
Puh-leeeze‘, he sneered sarcastically, “how can an owl be a waitress? What do they do, carry little glasses in their talons?’ At almost 14 he’s developing that snarky cynicism that’s part and parcel of being a teenager. Determined to get to the bottom of this curious claim, he clicked on it and watched the following video:

[aol-on id=518668408]

Just as suspected, the video didn’t feature any owls dive bombing bar patrons with chocolate martinis at some Hitchcockian happy hour.
His disappointment evident, he lamented, “Why is it they always make things seem soooo exciting and then you click on it and it’s not exciting AT ALL?!?!
Upon hearing those words sail out of his mouth, I felt my parenting senses tingling.  As I stopped chopping peppers and turned around to face him, I heard a clarion call to action, an order to march forth into the minefield that is parenting a teenager and heed the following command –
{Insert Teachable Moment Here}
During these precarious teenage years, broaching almost any subject with your teen can be tricky. So in my most casual, non-judgmental, un-preachy, make-him-think-he-thought-of-it-himself mom tone of voice, I said “You know, you bring up a good point. Sometimes things aren’t what they seem.  I hope you can remember that when you’re, like, at a party some night and someone offers you, um, say {here it comes} a beer or a joint. . .” I trailed off, giving him what I hoped was a subtle prompt as I held my breath expectantly.
And with a requisite roll of his beautiful brown eyes, he continued my thought with, “Yeah, I know, it might look like fun but it really isn’t fun. I get it.”
“Okay then”, I breathed, and, with a smile on my face, continued preparing dinner. And made a mental note to send a donation to The National Audubon Society.
For the owls.

 

The National Audobon Society

Barn Owl – The National Audubon Society

 

Check out the more plausible story Owl-themed cocktail bar to open in London  from The Telegraph.

Valentine Heart Crayons

I saw this little nugget of truth the other day on Pinterest; who else can relate to this?

broken crayons

My 7th grader, who no longer has any use for crayons having graduated to Faber-Castell manga pens and markers, has a crayon collection dating back to nursery school.  Heaven forbid I should throw them away, because, you know, if the Crayola factory blew up and there was a worldwide crayon shortage, he’d be the man.  Crayon apocalypse not withstanding, I decided I needed them for this post.  This is a quick and easy craft that melts down old crayons to make new ones, in this case heart-shaped ones for Valentine’s Day.  A couple of these in a treat bag are a cute alternative to candy for the class Valentine’s Day party.  My son intends to give these to his younger cousins (but I think he might keep one for himself).

I used a silicone baking pan as a mold.  Get the crayons ready by removing the paper and breaking them up into small pieces.  Preheat the oven to 275 degrees.

instamag3Fill the mold as shown and place in preheated oven for approximately 22 – 25 minutes, checking to see when they’ve melted all the way through; I used a toothpick to swirl the colors.

melted befoe and after

Let them cool in the pan for about 15 minutes, then put them in the freezer for another 5 to 10 minutes. When the crayons have cooled, carefully peel them out of the mold.

instamag

The crayons are easy for little hands to hold, and the swirled colors look great on paper!

v heart crayons

What’s your favorite Valentine’s Day craft?  Let me know in the comments!

heart crayon final

All crayon photos courtesy of mommeetsblog.com

This craft was featured on inspirationdiy.com!  Check out this site for more great craft ideas or submit your own favorite craft here.

How Do You Handle Your Kid’s Middle School Crush?

broken heartWith Old Man Winter forcing yet another snow day today, my 7th grader will miss out on all the middle school drama surrounding Valentine’s Day. He’s been able to stay on the periphery of most of the angst, managing to move on from his own recent crush unscathed. Others have not been so lucky, like his friend who recently asked the girl he’s been pining over for months out on a ‘date’; she turned him down and he’s devastated, explaining his friend’s inability to finish that week’s Spanish homework!

While I’m happy my son feels comfortable enough to share his crushes and news of the latest adolescent happenings, I feel that 7th grade is too young for traditional ‘dating’, although I hear through multiple sources that this does happen.  I’m fine with him heading out in a boy/girl group to the pizza shop after school for an hour – it’s a way for the kids to socialize in a fairly controlled setting with a defined start and end time – but one-on-one dating or boy/girl groups at someone’s home unsupervised after school is off the table at this age.

Crushes are just fine for now – it’s a way to explore feelings and learn how to deal with them, both the happiness and the disappointment.  Learning to deal with rejection can be a fact of life at this age just as much as a growth spurt or a deepening voice.  How do you deal with your kid’s middle school crush? Through the fog and haze of middle age, I’ve been trying to remember how I felt during middle school; here are some do’s and don’ts I’ve been employing to deal with this sensitive subject:

Do:

Keep the channels of communication open.  Teach your child to be respectful of his/her own body, and let them know that even though it’s natural to be curious, feeling pressure to do something (especially if it makes them feel uncomfortable) doesn’t mean they have to act on it.  If a crush isn’t mutual, let them know it’s okay to politely refuse the other person’s unwanted attention.  And conversely, to graciously accept the fact if they are on the unrequited end of the crush.  It’s a painful lesson, but can save a whole lot of heartache if it’s learned early on.  Keep an eye (and ear) out for any behavior changes arising from a crush – learning how to keep a crush in perspective and not let it affect school work, friendships and family life is also important.

Don’t:

Don’t belittle or trivialize your child’s feelings – even though as adults we already know that this too shall pass, remember that they certainly don’t feel that way!  And nothing will close down those channels of communication faster than your child feeling that Mom or Dad can’t possibly understand what they’re going through.  Don’t ever, ever, mention a crush’s name outside the ‘circle of trust’ (mainly, that’s me) you’ve developed with your child. Discussing the identity of a crush with other parents is a tremendous no-no.  I’ve been on the receiving end of such information from parents with their kid standing right there – it’s embarrassing for me, so I can just imagine how the poor kid must feel.  You might think it’s cute, but I can guarantee you your kid does not – keep it zipped.  I know if my son doesn’t feel safe telling me about the little things, he won’t come to me with the big things – and right now, everything is a big thing!

Well, that’s it – it may not be much, but that’s all I’ve got so far. Please feel free to share any suggestions or tips you have in the comments, and have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Photo courtesy of flickr.com

Texts From The Edge Of Tweendom

With 2013 drawing to a close, my son is taking great delight in declaring 2014 ‘his year’.  It’s the year that the label of tween gets retired and he launches into full-blown teenager status.  I don’t know what he thinks is going to happen when he turns 13 – it’s not like he can start dating (not yet!!!!) or go to a bar or vote.

And he definitely can’t drive a car, as evidenced by the majority of texts exchanged between us.  Like I’d ever NOT pick him up, but it’s always nice to be asked. . . .

polite text editedAnd in a few short years when he gets his driver’s license this too will end, and I wonder what he’ll be asking me for then – but I hope I still get an occasional one of these. . . .

i love you text

Wishing everyone a happy and blessed 2014!

How Do You Handle the ‘Santa Situation’?

Santa clausWhen my son was younger I, like many other parents at this time of year, went to great lengths to weave the special magic that is Santa Claus – I supervised as he carefully wrote his painstakingly detailed letter to Santa, we waited dutifully in line at the mall so he could have his picture taken with the Big Guy, we thoughtfully left gingerbread cookies and milk for old St. Nick on Christmas Eve (and snacks for the reindeer, too!).  He believed wholly and unquestioningly in Santa, and as that belief was nurtured and grew year after year, I started suffering from what I call ‘Claus’-trophobia – a fear of the day when my son would question the existence of his beloved Santa Claus.

I was recently asked by FamilyCorner.com to write about this very subject – here are some points to consider when your child eventually asks you:  is Santa real?

Listen to their concerns: Lend an ear first before you begin any explanations.  Give them your undivided attention; if they come to the conclusion on their own, share with them the story about how you found out the truth about Santa when you were their age.  Kids are intuitive and sometimes know the answers to their own questions, and just need a sympathetic ear from parents.

Be prepared for their reaction: Some kids might take the news in stride, as I did when I found out the truth. My parents were a little sloppy in hiding the presents, so after finding way too many new toys under their bed one year the secret was out.  And I was okay with it.  As long as everything else stayed the same and I could still pretend that Santa was real even though I knew he wasn’t, things were cool.

Others may feel betrayed – as my son did when the curtain was pulled back on this part of his childhood.  To this day I still feel awful as I recall the hurt in his eyes as he incredulously accused, “you mean. . . you’ve been LYING to me all these years???”  Yes, that was a bad, ugly day.

And, some may cry. So. Many. Tears.  It can be a momentous event – having doubts, kids turn to their parents for confirmation of Santa’s existence, only to find out otherwise. Help kids feel better with an explanation that, although he’s not any one real person (but really mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, etc.), the symbolism of Santa Claus embodies the true spirit of Christmas – the joy of giving and putting others first.  Remind them how wonderful it feels to be with family and friends, the special traditions you share at this time of year, the significance of any religious customs in your family, and reassure them that there will still indeed be presents on Christmas morning!  Let them know that the Christmas spirit is very real, even if Santa Claus isn’t.

Enlist their help: This is a good time to let them know what an important role they can play in the preparations if they feel ready for it.  Now that they know “the truth,” they can help in making the holiday special for the younger members of the family. Recruit them to help shop, wrap presents and fill stockings. Have them help the younger kids with their letters to Santa. Asking them for their help in maintaining the tradition will add a positive new dimension to the experience.

A sympathetic ear and a positive outlook can help take the sting out of the big reveal.  After the shock wore off (and he was able to trust me again), my son began to enjoy taking a more grown-up role in the preparation and festivities of the Christmas season, and keeping the lie –  I mean, the magic – of Santa Claus alive for the little ones in our family (and the big ones, too!).

Have you had to face the “Santa Situation” with your kids yet?  How did you handle it?  Let me know in the comments!

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Help for Homework Hassles

keep calmNow that the holiday season is officially underway, homework is probably the last thing on any kid’s mind!   But with  the first quarter of the school year over and report cards distributed, this might be a good time to check in with your child and review how he or she is handling the workload.  Are they feeling overwhelmed?  How are they doing prioritizing tasks and juggling projects?  And the homework – do they need help in organizing assignments or just getting down to work?  The task of completing homework can sometimes be a battleground that affects both a child’s self-esteem and your relationship with your child.  Here are some tips from a piece I wrote for FamilyCorner.com about developing a homework routine for your child that can help take the hassle out of homework:

Expectations:  Examine the school’s homework expectations and guidelines, then discuss them and your own expectations with your child regarding  how long to spend on homework each evening and/or any goals for the upcoming semester.  Make sure the two of you are on the same page regarding these expectations.

Set up a calendar:   A visual aide like this can help with long-term planning and setting priorities.  Make note of assignment and project due dates as well as test dates.  Advise your child to get the phone numbers of his ‘homework buddies’ – two other students in his classes whom he can call in case of missed assignments or notes – and write these numbers on the calendar.

Concentration takes energy:  No one works well on an empty stomach.  Offer a healthy snack before they sit down to begin homework.

Set up a time and space for homework to happen:  For some kids, that means starting homework right after school; others may need a little time to unwind.  Agree on a start time and stick to it.  Set up a space that’s conducive for work, be it the desk in his room or the kitchen or dining room table.  This space should be away from distractions like the television or computer (unless it’s necessary to complete homework).  Stock the space with the necessary supplies (paper, pencils, pens, rulers, etc.) to complete homework with minimal interruptions.

Be the fly on the wall:  You don’t want to do their homework for them, but let them know you’re there if they need help (or a little encouragement!).

Packing up:  At the end of the homework session have your child neatly put away all papers, binders/folders and supplies into their backpack.  It’s better to do this the night before than the following morning when it’s more likely that something might be forgotten.

If they need extra help:  There is often a ‘homework help’ period available after school with a teacher or a peer tutor.  Check if this is available at your school or if something can be arranged if your child is having trouble managing the homework load.

Will your child be writing a book report over the school break?  Check out Tips to Help Your Child Write A Successful Book Report for some ideas to organize the process.

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